walkabout

The year that has just ended was a wilderness. I got lost in it and could not find the right way out. I wasted a lot of time thinking about the mistakes, the failures, the false -starts; the past thus did not notice 2016 fading away.

I was hit hard by the storm of failed endeavors hence sort to lose myself in other people’s misery online. Reading about how fucked up their lives were gave me comfort. The interwebs become a drug. A drug I partook generously. I eat away through the many narrations of the sad, sorry situation everyone was in. I gobbled the comments that followed, and before I knew it, the damage was already done. Those strangers’ problems morphed somehow and become mine. Reality escaped me, and I didn’t reach the promised land. It sucked being in my head that year. The train of thought had no direction. The tracks it rode on had no traffic lights. Didn’t know when to stop minding other people’s businesses or my failed interests. When to move on from the past that seemed to drown me.To moderate the speed at which I was wasting away. If I started thinking about making a change and, how to actualise it, I got derailed.

Well, the witnessing of a new year has offered me a mandatory exit.I am out of the wilderness physically but what about emotionally, spiritually, psychically? I have never made a new year’s resolution, and I am not about to start. But I will take this enlightenment as a battle won in the psychic realm and brace for the war that is 2017. Hope the odds will favor me.

Appearance and reality

Don’t look at me through your glass of wine

Where I am the most pretty girl in the world

Look at me through the eyes of your heart

Where I am imperfect in the right way

Don’t look at me through the bulge in your pants

Where I am a morsel to devour

Look at me through the depth of your soul

Where I am human seeking requited love

Look at me through the tenderness of your big eyes

Accept me for who I am, every woman.

The eye tale

I look deep into your eyes

to find you, to understand , find meaning

I look deep into your eyes

to find what makes you start, awaken

I look deep into your eyes

to tap into your soul, find the demons within

I stare intently into those brown eyes

to look for peace, maybe a little madness

I hope to find life, light and a little weirdness

to fill my empty days, create memories.

You can look into my eyes too

there you will find pain, darkness, skeletons, happiness, love, bitterness, hatred- side effects of living

but if you look deep enough, you will see me

I see you.

I hope you know

I look at you and wonder if I desesrve you,
I take you hand and kiss it hard wishing you can read my mind
I kiss ever inch of your face  secretly hoping that you understand it is my way of saying I love you.
I tell you how I feel knowing you don’t understand what I say but I say it any way.
I hold you close and wish the feeling will last forever
Your tiny hands and face make me see life in an all new perspective.
I waited so long for you to grace my life with your presence, it was worth the wait